Note To Self: Things YOU Can Do To Stop Global Warming

• Shut the damned door and turn off the furnace! What are you trying to do - heat up the whole outdoors?!
• Stop eating so many energy bars
• Recycle plastic - Melt down Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to make next year's celebutants
• Don't wear the black dress
• Stick lumps of coal up ass; make diamonds