Trial Separation

Dear John Internet,

Hey, baby! Listen, I've been doing some soul searching lately, and - well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it: I think we could both use a time out. It's not you, it's me. We've been spending so much time together that I've been feeling kind of smothered. Like I don’t even know where you end and I begin. And let's face it – you've changed, too. Used to be we could just hang out, read, play some games. Watch porn. Now you're all about the LOLZ. Social networking and amateur videos. It's just not my style. And I have to be honest: I've met someone. Let's call her "RL." She doesn't even seem to know I'm alive right now, but maybe I could change all that if I had a bit more space to operate. So here's the deal: I'm going to put our relationship on hold to give RL a chance for a while. If I don't call, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I'm a selfish jerk.

Yours truly,

IRFH